We need joyful, messy places to build a culture of love. (BJRE047)

We need joyful, messy places to build a culture of love.

(By Dr. Edward Edezhath. Published in Kairos Magazine in 2023)

We visited this family. The house was so gracefully arranged, and I commented, “So beautiful! Everything so tastefully set!” But the young Shalini’s response was quite surprising. "Imagine the torture of growing up in such a well-ordered home!" is too much order the biggest enemy of freedom, love, and growth?

I think Jesus loved open spaces. Some of his teachings were in synagogues, but most activities were near the seashore, hillside, crowded places, or ordinary homes. This must have been quite unusual. Even today, people don’t think of such places for important teachings.  I think Our Lord opted for these ordinary, messy settings even for his birth and death because that is nearer to most people's real life. They were scenes of chaos and confusion, but his love, mercy, and divine presence worked marvelous miracles.

Are we scared of messiness?

From the very early days of Jesus Youth, we intentionally introduced an ice-breaking session as a starter. My experience in the first renewal program was the same: Frs. Fio and Rufus were on the stage laughing, making fun of each other, and teaching us funny songs that made the whole crowd laugh. Later, when we started prayer groups and organized training, we followed the same example. We wanted everyone to be relaxed and be themselves, so we even began a prayer session with a time of chit-chat or a funny song.

But I note that most people fear disorder. They want people to come on time, sit properly, do everything uniformly, and easily get upset when someone does not want to follow the crowd. Now, in many groups, “ice-breaking sessions” and action songs are rigidly enforced programs, forgetting why they were introduced.

In my family circle, a cousin used to get quite angry when people came late. Those were friendly gatherings and his constant harping on punctuality and order would take away all the fun and joy of relatives coming together. I would say, “Even if they are late, at least they are coming for the gathering.” But his response would be, “If they come, let them come on time, or else let them not come.” Gradually, if this cousin were absent from our meetings, all would be happy and relaxed.

In my college classes, I find it very difficult to make students come out of their mask of rigid order and be relaxed. They fear to be themselves, and the frozen silence in the class becomes a good way of hiding their real self. Is it a fear of the unknown, some social pressure, or the overinfluence of people addicted to perfectionism? Whatever it may be, I challenge my students to be relaxed and informal, talkative, and able to argue with me. It is not easy for most of them because at home and from the very small classes, they have been told to be disciplined and in order, even at the expense of love, joy, and freedom. 

Is spirituality mere rigidity?

There may be two schools of spirituality: one with a core of rigidity and discipline and the other insisting that everything should serve joy, mercy, and love. Both qualities go hand in hand for balanced growth. But the problem is that rigidity is very often seen as the mature way, and those who insist on a perfect plan prevail. If well carried out, this institutionalization will make a group or a program very predictable and clear but without life and growth.

Prayer meetings or other gatherings easily become victims of rigid order. People ask, “How should a prayer meeting go?” I often replay, “Start with a joyful song or two, then begin praising and thanking God . . . “My instructions go on. But the tragedy is that if people follow my instructions faithfully week after week, the group will surely die. Rigid observance of any pattern will stifle growth.

What is my prescription for a good participative group? Know the ingredients of the meeting, but be ready to allow messiness. One shouldn’t be overly controlling. But look at the group, listen to the Holy Spirit in oneself, and allow things to progress unpredictably. There will be confusion; allow it. But have an eye, ear, and heart to see a beautiful pattern the Lord is drawing. Don’t be afraid of doing a poor job yourself; allow the community to interact and grow. 

Freedom is in the air.

Why do today’s generation run away from faith and spirituality? They don’t want to be remotely controlled by others, especially strong leaders. “Your desire for fun and joy is very bad. Come to my right way,” the leaders tend to say, but they run away. On the other hand, most people like a good community, getting to know Jesus and leading a good life. Yet they don’t want this to be told in long talks or to attend boring, repetitive instructions. Young people want to see Christ’s teachings lived in joy and love, and many will surely do it.

In his exhortation on youth, Christus Vivit Pope Francis puts this quite well. “Young people need to have their freedom respected, yet they also need to be accompanied” (242). He also gives some practical tips for respecting their love for freedom. “I trust that young people themselves know how best to find appealing ways to come together. They know how to organize events, sports competitions and ways to evangelize using the social media, through text messages, songs, videos and other ways. They only have to be encouraged and given the freedom to be enthused about evangelizing other young people wherever they are to be found.” (210).

In a lively Jesus Youth setting, Pope Francis’s prescriptions are well followed up. The following would be some of those best practices: 

i. Meet young people where they are. 

ii Don’t force them but respect their freedom. 

iii. Discover their appealing ways and learn from them. 

iv. More than giving solutions, accompany them as they go forward. 

v. Encourage their desire to do good and evangelize their friends.

These may look a little messy from the outside, but they often build love and friendship with the Lord and others.

Topics:

        Accompaniment

        Jesus Youth Style

        Youth Culture

        Freedom vs. Control