Caring for the little ones builds community (BJRE078)

Caring for the little ones builds community

(By Dr. Edward Edezhath. Published in Kairos Magazine in 2024) 

Father Abraham Adappur was a renowned thinker and writer, highly respected in both ecclesiastical and secular circles. I have fond memories of visiting him. We would sit down and casually begin chatting about various hot topics in the news. He would then ask for your opinion on those issues, as if you were an expert, and listen with great attentiveness. It was such a tremendous honor! 

Years ago, I had the same experience at Taizé with Brother Roger. He would listen to you with rapt attention, build on your thoughts or ideas, and acknowledge that it was your idea. Pope John Paul II was known for inviting people to dinner meetings, spending time asking questions, and listening to his guests. Surely, love and community grow through both the eyes and the ears.

However, we seldom have models of such quality.

I was invited to a prayer group. When I arrived, a few people had already come in, and they had started the rosary. After that, they continued with the prayer group. Then, there was teaching and intercession. However, as soon as the prayer was over, most people left without even a smile or a greeting for those around them. 

I was quite disturbed by how they came together and left. They devoted time to God but not to each other. Perhaps their model is what they observe in the parish church, where people gather for service, actively participate, and then leave without hardly greeting anyone. If only they had also taken some time with one another!

Love Groups vs. Work Groups.

When Fr. Mathew was our parish priest, our Parish Pastoral Council was a joyful place for everyone. We were like one family, enjoying our time together while fulfilling all the responsibilities of a coordinating body. Everyone felt attended to and recognized their role, which encouraged enthusiastic participation. Love and joy filled the air, accompanied by much laughter and playful comments. 

But did this fun and play impact the work expected of that team? Certainly not. We accomplished many good things together, as everyone’s thoughts and suggestions were valued, and everyone had the freedom to contribute ideas and comments. We loved, enjoyed, and worked. Consequently, we felt a strong sense of community. 

After a few years, the time came for him to move to the new parish. I needed to write about him for our parish bulletin, so I interviewed him. He told me, “In every group, I have two possibilities. I can either build them into a loving and joyful family or a serious team to do some work. I strive to do the first and create a family atmosphere. People love it, and they grow through that experience.” 

I found that quite profound. There are two types of groups. In the first, the focus is on relationships, such as in families or social circles. In these groups, authority and work are not overly important, allowing you to be yourself with minimal expectations. Conversely, there is a rigid structure and authority in workplaces or other organizational settings. Here, productivity is emphasized; work takes precedence over being oneself. Naturally, after engaging with this second type of group, one often desires to return to an environment where they can truly be themselves. The challenge, however, is that for some individuals, even their home may not feel like a true ‘home.’ The crucial question is whether we want our Christian communities to function as communities of love or work.

Pay attention to the poor.

Have you watched good families? There, everything revolves around the little ones. God created families to ensure safe spaces where children can be themselves and grow amidst love and appreciation. For Jesus, the little ones are significant: “As you did it to one of the least of these... you did it to me.” (Mt 25:40)

Who are the little ones in your group? Is it the newcomer who is unsure of where to connect or the one who is too shy to speak out? In my class, if a new student is present or if someone is visiting the prayer group for the first time, I try to adjust everything for that person. But practically, how do you do it? When they arrive, go and greet them. Then, introduce them to others. During the class or meeting, check in periodically to see if they are following along. When you sing songs, ensure they have the lyrics beforehand. In other words, let the little one be the king. 

Speaking of building community, St. Paul emphasizes this: “Those parts of the body which we think less honorable, we invest with the greater honor... If one member suffers, all suffer together.” (I Cor. 12:23, 26) In our parish, we have one Mary, a simple soul who is uneducated and poor. Fr. Mathew would greet her by saying, “Hi, my girlfriend!” and everyone enjoyed his loving gesture. For most of the elderly, he finds time to greet them. Being merciful to the poor is the best way to build a loving and caring community.

Turning the world upside down

The call of a Christian is to transform everyone and every place with Jesus and His love. Fr. Mathew highlighted three elements of every group: the task, relationships, and group culture. The culture reflects the style of the group and the way things are done there. If that culture focuses on the task or work, the group gradually becomes heavy and serious. However, if the culture prioritizes attending to and caring for everyone, particularly the weak, love will flourish, fostering a joyful community. As a bonus, the expected work will also be accomplished beautifully. This is how Jesus did it, and this exemplifies the style of the Kingdom of God. 

Topics:

Attending to the poor

Listening

Community building

Task, relationship, and culture