Five steps to a fruitful community, yet most fail at the third (BJRE084)

Five steps to a fruitful community, yet most fail at the third.

(By Dr. Edward Edezhath. Published in Kairos Magazine in 2024) 

One small step helped us start our group. “Are you all interested in forming a group? We can meet every week?” Fr. Marcelino asked at the end of a four-day seminar. I readily agreed. The following Sunday, we met in a college classroom. I was eager to participate but felt a bit confused and apprehensive. However, many smiling faces put me at ease, and when Father started teaching some songs and invited us to join in, we happily responded. 

A little group singing put us all at ease; we were already united in heart. A brief prayer time was followed by insightful Bible-based teaching, and then we were divided into small groups. By the end of the first day, I had already made half a dozen lovely friends and felt joy-filled anticipation. That marked the beginning of a long and eventful journey.

A journey of five phases

That is just one group in my life. In each of our lives, there are various kinds of groups. We have our families and neighborhoods. We gather in classrooms or social circles. Some groups grow, while others are forgotten. Whether we realize it or not, many groups play crucial roles in shaping our lives. We join some groups and leave others. However, it is interesting to consider if there is any typical pattern in the journey of these communities.

During my early years in college, a friend invited me to a student group in a nearby town. The group was already active, but for me, the beginning was when I attended on a Saturday. The next phase was a joyful time when I made friends, participated in various activities, and joined those friends in visiting some underprivileged individuals, among other things. After a few months, a third phase emerged. I started witnessing many divisions, conflicts, and arguments, which was quite shocking and confusing. Fortunately, this confusion did not lead to a total breakdown. However, some of us wanted to address the issues. A friend and I began conversations, then gently reached out to others to initiate a dialogue. Although we were unsure of the outcome, this fourth phase helped us understand the distinct roles of different leaders. This became the most crucial stage of the group's journey and led us to a new way of functioning. The group became noticeably vibrant, and its members grew more confident.

Reflecting on our journey, I recognize that we needed to navigate various stages for it to be fruitful. The third stage was perhaps the most challenging. Some members became so frustrated that they never returned to the group. However, those who persevered enjoyed the rewards of personal growth and increased community participation.

Where am I on this journey?

Jesus said, " Blessed are the peacemakers.” St. Paul tells us that Jesus has given us “the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Cor. 5:18). When I am called upon to perform this gentle ministry of uniting fighting groups or arguing individuals, I consider it an essential work of evangelization. The conflicting sides may include a husband and wife, parents and children, members of a Jesus Youth team, or two generations in opposition to each other. Most of these individuals somehow started a journey together; for a time, they found everything going well, only to later see the other party doing irrational things or thinking unreasonably. This is merely one phase of their path. They must confront the reality of working with other unique people and their differing charisms. Only in this way will everyone be more joyful and fruitful. 

However, there is something important to remember when you find yourself at these crossroads:

If you notice only a conflict and ignore the background,

If you believe that one side is completely to blame,

If you lose hope, this struggle signifies the conclusion of everything.

If you believe that arguments, fighting, and conflict are wrong and unspiritual,

If you think that those who never argue or fight are the truly virtuous,

If you believe you have no role in a severe conflict within your group,

If you choose to leave a group due to numerous conflicts, then you are clearly in the wrong place.

When a husband and wife realize they cannot agree on certain issues, when a son or daughter feels upset with their parents or vice versa, or when intense conflicts arise within a Jesus Youth group, leading to frustration among people, it's important to remember that conflict is an unavoidable step forward. Most arguments and disagreements can lead to greater understanding and new paths if managed effectively. In the Church, we refer to this as the synodal dynamic of participation, communion, and mission. 

What should you do when you reach this third phase?

A child eventually reaches a point where they tell their parents, “I am different; accept me!” This may be expressed in various words or through actions of protest or disobedience. Long ago, three members of the leadership team frequently missed meetings due to their involvement in other activities, while the other four remained united and committed. In the early Church, there was significant conflict regarding the issue of circumcision and Jewish customs. These examples represent the third phase we discussed. So, how do we move on to the next step?

i. Recognize. Viewing a group's life as a journey and understanding that conflict represents a step forward is essential.

ii. Accept. Idealism hinders growth. Acknowledge the ground reality and begin from there.

iii. Discern. Prayerfully ask, “Lord, where are You guiding us?”

iv. Be humble. Acknowledge my shortcomings with humility. Be the first to take action.

v. Dialogue. Engage with others and promote peace.

vi. Build together. Identify common ground, collaborate, and discover how the Lord guides us.

vii. Celebrate by highlighting achievements together. Discover ways to enjoy fun activities as a group. 

As we discussed, every relationship is a journey. Groups undergo various stages, like growing trees: planting, flourishing, pruning, shaping, and bearing fruit. The period of pruning is challenging but inevitable. May the Holy Spirit guide us in facing it with greater faith, hope, and love.


Topics:

Conflict resolution

Team Building

Journey of a Community

Fellowship building

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