Listening to young people is both an art and a mission (BJRE073)

Listening to young people is both an art and a mission

(By Dr. Edward Edezhath. Published in Kairos Magazine in 2023) 

“But you aren’t listening to me!” my daughter protested loudly. Her exam results had arrived, and she had performed poorly in one subject. At home, we were reviewing her progress report when I asked for details. My wife then began discussing the complaints from the class teacher. The entire scene was quite tumultuous. As my daughter exclaimed, I realized we were heading in the wrong direction. I told myself, “This will not lead us anywhere. We need to slow down.” We calmed down and started truly listening.

We often hear, “Listen to your elders.” This creates a fixed idea of who should speak and who should listen. Parents and teachers talk while children pay attention and follow instructions. Priests and leaders speak, and the faithful listen. But should it always be this way? What if we reversed the roles and parents listened to their children, teachers to their students, and leaders to their group members? This could transform our families and communities.

A study about listening

Jesus Youth seminarian Dr. Anthony proposed a study on “listening.” A group of eight researchers came together and conducted a six-month study, during which each of us explored different aspects of listening. We met several times to exchange notes, and something beautiful emerged from this collaboration.

Listening is both an attitude and a skill. Our primary focus was on the lives of young people and our approach to listening to them. Understanding the characteristics of today’s youth is essential for effective listening and nurturing better relationships with them. We also aimed to hear directly from the youth about their listening experiences. Hundreds of young people responded to a survey, and some participated in interviews. All of these insights were quite interesting and valuable.

Certainly, one mistake that many elders and teachers make is to tell themselves, “I, too, was young, and I know it all.” If we don’t want to learn, there won't be any listening. For effective listening, an inner transformation is necessary. I may need to change my mindset of self-sufficiency and remind myself, “I don’t know everything. I can learn something from this person.” This step might also involve letting go of my biases or anger. Just as I did with my daughter during an argument, I should pause and choose to listen to the other person, and if necessary, reconsider my viewpoint.

One final outcome of the study was a book titled “The Art of Listening to Young People,” published last August. The first part explores listening as a unique calling, reflecting how God listens to each of us. One section emphasizes the distinctive qualities of today’s young people. Various types of listening are regarded as specialties; one section examines this concept. Our team included several psychology experts. Consequently, two sections delve into the dynamics of listening: one discusses the methods, while the other addresses the problems and challenges.

One positive outcome of the research and the book was the development of several training programs that followed. For the first program, about a hundred Jesus Youth leaders and animators gathered for a weekend workshop titled “How to Listen to Young People Better.” Most participants believed they were good listeners, but the new insights uncovered different needs and possibilities.

Effective listening forms the foundation of strong family relationships. Within the Jesus Youth movement and in supporting young people, fostering a culture of listening is essential.

Today, listening holds greater significance.

Pope Francis often emphasizes the importance of listening. Listening reflects the humble nature of God. He states that today, people have a significant need to be heard. Freely giving our time to listen to others is the first act of charity. Authentic listening serves as the foundation of genuine relationships.

I practice some simple listening techniques. When I give talks, I always start the session by listening to the audience first. If it is a group of fifty or sixty youths in a parish, they will play fun games to relax and get to know each other after the initial welcome and introductions.  To begin my talk, I would ask the group to discuss some questions. For me, this is a time for the group to unwind and an opportunity for me to learn more about them in their natural setting. I don’t want a crowd of listeners but rather a group of friends for a friendly exchange.

A similar situation arises when someone approaches me to talk. It might also involve a small group of young people. If they come over, we can share a meal together. I will ask some simple questions, and they will share about themselves. Gradually, I get to know them better. Then, we can delve into more substantial topics. Friendly listening provides the best environment for any journey together.

A tool for personal growth, community building, and mission.

What are some contexts where intentional listening is useful?

I. In prayer, begin by listening for His presence and my inner movements.

II. As you read the Bible, pay attention to the Holy Spirit's guidance.

III. When you feel worried, afraid, or troubled, soothe yourself with a song or a prayer and listen.

IV. As you meet and greet others, remember they are created in God’s image. Look at them and listen closely!

V. When someone arrives with a burden or pain, be present, listen, and respond.

VI. Someone shares a great idea or dream. Stay open. Listen to the person and recognize the Lord’s voice.

VII. In a group, focus on the Body of Christ, which has many parts, and God aims for unity.

VIII. Listen to the path of unity and forgiveness during conflicts and disagreements instead of judging who is right.

IX. When encountering someone poor and in need, listen for the presence of Christ and respond accordingly.

X. When faced with a challenge, a community embodying the spirit of synodality unites in prayer, listening to one another. Subsequently, the Spirit guides them into a mission.

Initially, I referred to the small storm at home. When I calmed myself and chose to listen, that marked the start of a positive change. For every Jesus Youth in their personal journey, community life, and mission field, listening is a powerful tool to connect and build the Kingdom of God.

Topics:

            Listening

            Loneliness

            Accompaniment

            Youth Ministry

Highlights:

  1. The Transformative Power of Listening  

2. Reversing Traditional Listening Roles 

3. Listening as a Skill and an Attitude  

4. Spiritual and Theological Foundations of Listening  

5. Practical Approaches to Listening  

6. Listening as a Tool for Personal Growth and Mission  

7. Building a Listening Culture in Faith Communities  

8. Listening in Everyday Life and Decision-Making