Talk, talk, talk: It can build a group, but kill it, too. (BJRE100)

 Talk, talk, talk: It can build a group, but kill it, too.

(By Dr. Edward Edezhath - Published in Kairos Global Magazine in 2026)

“How goes your small group?” I asked Mary. Recently, Jesus Youth in their region was focused on strengthening existing groups and starting new ones. “I am not sure if I should be happy or upset,” she said, and began expanding on the joys and challenges of building communities.

Young people and families are eagerly seeking a place to meaningfully belong, openly share, and grow together. It is somewhat like this: when you exercise with your friends, you persevere — and enjoy it too. Here, people are coming together to grow, and their efforts are bearing fruit. Groups are growing in both depth and number. But there are subtle challenges too, mostly about how people share and interact in these groups.

Sharing in a group is so simple yet really challenging.

Most people, when they first come to a group, find it difficult to open up and share. Many are not used to it — not even at home. They are used to listening or giving advice. For some, talking is merely a polite greeting. But opening up in a group is very different, and one must grow accustomed to it. Most people have not had real friends with whom they could speak about their experiences or yearnings — only about ideas or news items. Thus, many don’t want to talk in a group.

Then, when they start talking, many take the easy route and discuss politics or Church gossip. Someone mentioned, “When the elections came, our group almost broke up. Arguments went on endlessly, though only a few were really interested. We didn’t know how to stop it.” In a similar vein, there can be critical evaluations of what is happening in the parish or diocese — topics that can be engrossing and interesting. The subjects may vary, but this is often gossip in a new garb, in which one’s true inner self need not be opened or shared.

Discussing their group, Jancy from another region raised a major issue. “A couple of people in our group, once they start sharing, cannot easily stop. They go on talking, jumping from one memory to another. Everyone loses interest, and some even get up and go out on the pretext of getting some water. But they don’t realize it or put a stop to their rambling.” If one or two people take up most of the available time, it can be frustrating for everyone else. Of course, if someone is going through a crisis, we would give that person more time. But if one person consistently takes up most of the group’s time, that would be unkind and unjust.

Then there are the activity enthusiasts. The very purpose of a small group is for people to open up and share about their interior life, but a group can easily be distracted into something else. Some fill up time with singing; some drift into activity planning; long prayer times can eat into sharing time; and if food arrangements or even a game-like activity takes up much of the gathering, the purpose of the group can be defeated.

Conversation is the lifeblood of any group — whether it be a family, a circle of friends, or a Church community. If that conversation helps everyone come to know one another better and builds them up in love, that is a helpful step. But if we do not journey towards love, that chat will be “a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Cor. 13:1).

Group sharing is a synodal journey

With Pope Francis, we all began speaking about synodality. This special word means journeying together, and it is apt for small-group sharing. This journey begins with conversion — a change of attitude: from my journey to our journey, and an openness to the Lord’s presence along the way. This change of attitude makes all the difference. More important still is that the group is on a journey in which the growth of each person — and of all together — truly matters.

I have heard many young people speak about how their JY small group prepared them for their future life of family, career, and mission. Those in family small groups speak of how it equips them for the fast-changing challenges of family life. This is the fruit of a little community journeying together.

How should we talk well in a community?

The Epistle of James speaks of the power of speech and the dangers it can bring. With our mouths we can communicate great things and also do much damage (cf. Jas. 3:5ff), so we need to be watchful. Speech full of love builds up; careless talk causes much harm. The question is: what kind of talk truly builds?

Be vulnerable: It is about setting aside masks and being ready to share one’s struggles with others. Very often, if people are courageous enough to do this, others will follow.

Have a sense of belonging: When a person feels that this is their group and begins to consider everyone as part and parcel of their journey, a big change occurs.

Learn to accept differences and forgive: Most groups have an initial honeymoon period, followed by a time of conflict. Leaving the group or breaking it up can seem like a quick way out, but the right path is the harder path of acceptance and forgiveness.

Balance feeling and thought: Should a group always talk about experiences and subjective perceptions? Intellectual discussions and study also have a place, but there needs to be a balance.

Respect the moderator—or be one: When a few people are gathered, there is often a need for someone to keep things on track and intervene when necessary. When the need arises, anyone in the group should be ready to step up and help moderate.

Be simple, humble, and ordinary: An organic and natural pace is important for a good group. This allows everyone to be their natural self — without masks, yet with due respect for one another. Being joyful and even playfully positive is part of this.

The Kingdom dimension: Jesus Youth, being a missionary movement, naturally participates in that call. Being Christ-centered — and motivating, encouraging, and equipping each person for Christian mission — becomes the purpose of every small group.

A building block for the new world

Some JY friends once took me to meet Fr. Georgeo, the local parish priest, to introduce the movement to him. After listening to us, he asked a very pertinent question: while many similar groups focus on organizing retreats and training sessions, why does Jesus Youth place so much emphasis on effective group-building and participation?

I wanted to tell him: the vision behind this focus on building relationships and groups is Jesus’ dream of a culture of love — one that will lead to joyful families and a wholesome world. What Pope Francis told us about the synodal Church is quite relevant here too:

“Our gaze also extends to humanity as a whole… As a Church which ‘journeys together’ with men and women, sharing the travails of history, let us cherish the dream that a rediscovery of the inviolable dignity of peoples and of the function of authority as service will also be able to help civil society to be built up in justice and fraternity, and thus bring about a more beautiful and humane world for coming generations.”